I started the week with every intention of getting through the second draft of Blindsighted. Unfortunately, my brain had other ideas.
I generally check my book sales a couple of times a week to see how things are going and if there are a few blank spaces, I’m fine with it, and I just get on with things. But when I checked them on Monday and could see that I hadn’t had any sales for some time it got to me.
When I say “it got to me,” I really mean it. I started to question my reasons for writing and what – if any – the point of it all was. For some reason, my brain focused on the zero sales and decided that sales were the only reason I was doing things and that if I didn’t have any, there was no point.
I have several different reasons why I write other than sales. I enjoy it, for one, and It calms my mind at troubled times, being able to escape to a world of my creation. Sales are just a small thing, really. It’d be nice to have more, but even getting my work out to a single person who enjoys it is worth it.
I think the issue this week stemmed from seeing several people screenshotting their KDP sales and everyone having more than me. I began to question what I was doing wrong and what more I could do to have sales like others.
The Next Stage is a far superior book to my first book, but when I see that Creatures has more overall sales and pages read, I just couldn’t get my head out of thinking I was sh!t and what I was spending my time doing was pointless.
I voiced my thoughts on Twitter, and I’m happy to say that I had several responses telling me it was okay to keep going and that they loved my work. This did a little to spur me on, but I’ve still been unable to write anything.
This week hasn’t been a total waste, though. I got back to my streaming on Twitch with Ghost of Tsushima, which I’m really enjoying. My streams don’t attract a huge audience, but those that do seem to enjoy it and interact with me while I play. This has done my exhausted and warring brain the world of good, and it’s showed me that I can do things and what I’m doing is worthwhile.
I’m going to chalk this week up to being “one of those weeks” and leave writing until next week. Of course, the other reason for this is that we managed to grab a PS5 which should be delivered today, so I’ll be spending my time on that, relaxing and getting my brain to calm.
I’m still aiming to get Blindsighted out in the next couple of months, but I’m not going to push it. If I do it, I do it, but my brain is stressed enough at the minute without adding extra pressure.
For now, though, I bid you a good weekend.