The End of an Era (Sort Of)

Yesterday, I submitted my final university assignment. Four years of hard work, long days, stress, and occasional caffeine-fuelled breakdowns, and just like that click and it was done.

It was the final piece for my Biography module, which came just one day after sitting my Postmodernism exam (a mind-bending experience in itself). I’d been living and breathing both subjects for weeks, and it all led up to this moment. I don’t know how to describe the feeling exactly. Relief, sure. Pride, absolutely. But mostly, it was weirdly anticlimactic. I’d built up this idea of finishing university as some massive, celebratory moment, but in reality, it was more of a quiet ping from my email telling me my submission had been received and then… nothing. No fireworks, no parade; just me staring at my laptop wondering, Is that it?

There was this strange, immediate sense of release—like I’d been carrying something heavy for years and had suddenly dropped it without warning. But that relief was quickly followed by a creeping emptiness. I suppose it makes sense. For four years, my life has revolved around deadlines, reading lists, lectures, and feedback. There was always something to do, something to work towards. Now that it’s all over, the question that’s been lurking in the background comes to the front: What comes next?

The only thing left to do now is wait. My final grades will come through in the next few weeks, and while I’m trying not to obsess over them, it’s definitely sitting in the back of my mind. After all this time and effort, those marks will be the final stamp on this whole experience. It feels strange to be in limbo—technically finished, but not quite closed off yet.

Still, looking back, I’ve learned so much. Not just in terms of knowledge, but about myself. I’ve learned how to think critically, how to push through even when the motivation is low, and how to ask better questions (even if I don’t always find the answers). I’ve learned how to carve out my own voice and trust it. And perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned that I’m capable of more than I thought when I started this journey.

I’ve also met some brilliant people along the way. Friends who’ve made the experience what it was. Whether it was assignment panics shared over group chats, support and feedback during workshops, or laughter over coffee and bizarre ideas, these are the people who’ve made the long days bearable. I never expected to come away from university with such strong connections, but I’m so glad I did. We’ve all grown together, and I’ll carry those friendships with me long after the lectures have ended.

And then there’s my wife Alex, my biggest supporter, and the reason I went to university in the first place. She believed in me long before I believed in myself. She’s been there through every wave of self-doubt, every panic over a looming deadline, every time I thought I wasn’t good enough. She stuck with me through the highs and the lows, encouraging me, grounding me, and reminding me why I started this journey in the first place. I truly couldn’t have done it without her.

I’m not sure I have an answer to the “what next?” question yet. And I think that’s okay. There’s a pressure to have the next step lined up—graduate schemes, jobs, applications… writing more books. But right now, I just want to stop. I want to take a bit of time to breathe. To rest. To enjoy not having a looming word count hanging over me like a storm cloud. I want to read books without analysing them, watch films without making notes, and go for walks that don’t double as brainstorming sessions (apart from for my own work).

I’m also trying to learn how to relax again, properly relax—something I’ve not done in what feels like forever. As a little reward to myself, I treated myself to a Steam Deck. University was something I never really saw myself doing, let alone finishing, so making it to the end feels like a huge achievement. I figured I’d earned something fun, something to remind myself that it’s okay to enjoy the downtime. So, I’ll be diving into some games and giving my brain a well-deserved break from all the heavy lifting it’s been doing.

So here I am—done, but not quite ready to move on just yet. Letting the silence settle and seeing what rises up in it. Maybe it’ll be a plan, a new direction, or maybe just the simple joy of being still for a while.

For now, I’m trading bibliographies for boss fights, reading lists for side quests, and swapping deadlines for load screens. I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I do know I’ve earned this pause. And in a world that’s always pushing us to chase the next thing, maybe choosing to rest is the most radical next step of all.