Just a quick update from me today.
This afternoon I’m going to my orthopaedic appointment where I hope I will have a steroid injection into my hip to help me with the pain and then be able to mobilise better.
I’ve not really had anxiety for a while, even going to the many hospital/physio appointments I’ve had recently. But today I’m feeling it.
Although I’m looking forward to potentially not being in as much pain, I’m still nervous about the procedure. When I had my MRI arthrogram, I felt a little anxious but something with this today as made me feel worse than then.
I know it’ll be fine and that I need to get it done, but part of me just wants to hide and ignore it and hope that it miraculously gets better on its own. But I also know that that’ not going to happen.
I’ve struggled with anxiety as part of my bipolar for years. But over the past few, I’ve been getting better at doing certain things that I used to shy away from.
Today is just a bad day for it, and I know tomorrow will be better, but as much as I try to distract myself this morning, I can’t shake the anxious feeling.
Anxiety sucks, and anyone that suffers from it needs a level of understanding from others. A lot of the time, it’s not that we don’t want to do things – although this is sometimes the case – it’s that we just can’t. Something in our brains just says ‘no’, and there’s nothing we can do make it go away.
There’s only so much that therapy can do, and a lot of it relies on the individual to try things to see what helps.
Like I said, I’m much better than I used to be, but that’s not without a lot of hard work on my part and having people around me that support and help me through the bad times.
But if you do suffer from anxiety, remember that it’s not your fault and it’s nothing to apologise for. There are always going to be those people that think it’s a cop-out or that you’re just being awkward, but those people can go f*ck themselves quite frankly, and they’re not worth listening to.
Anyway, that’s it for me today. I’m going to try to relax for the next couple of hours before my appointment.
I’ve got this, and so do you.